New cologne and pornography won't help you understand the depths of the female psyche. Not to say that you shouldn't buy one or the other, but there's no substitute for dating experience.
That said, you can learn a lot about women by reading, and the authors of the "Little Black Book of Big Red Flags" can help you understand women, which will help you get dates and help you get laid--and if you're really special, get laid on your dates.
Originally a blog, the book is a collection of shocking and ridiculous dating horror stories, including some of the authors' own experiences. If you want to get laid, these unfortunate incidents lend themselves nicely to some simple DOs and DON'Ts from the authors of "Big Red Flags."
DO: Keep it clean.
While we're all about getting down and dirty, we're not fans of guys who actually are dirty in bed. For example: While most women enjoy a little erotic language, there's a big distinction between subtly sexy and downright disgusting. Whispering "I can't wait to get you home" in your gal's ear while enjoying a romantic meal is far different from proclaiming "I can't wait to stick my ____ in your ____." Language intended to loosen your lady up shouldn't make her cringe. (And from a more literal standpoint, guys, please heed this: While teenage boys might not understand that a woman's vagina is a warm, moist haven for bacteria, adult men should know better than to stick an unwashed grubby finger into a woman's vajayjay. Capiche?)
DON'T: Act like a douche bag.
There's a story in the book about a guy who spent an entire first date texting. According to the woman who submitted it, he would glance at his phone every few seconds, then type intensely, explaining that he "just liked to be informed." When she told him he was being rude, he revealed that he'd been texting a "backup" because she seemed "too girl next door" to have sex with him that night and he really needed to get laid. With an attitude like that, we're guessing he went home alone that night.
DON'T: Act like a superficial douche bag.
For some reason, guys feel the need to say the dumbest things. Which makes it easy for us to rule them out as potential bedmates. We got a story from a girl who was about to go on a date with a guy she'd met online. Beforehand he sent her an e-mail saying he wanted to sneak into the coffee shop they were planning on meeting at so he could check her out and make sure she was "good looking enough."
DO: Know where the vagina is.
One of our favorite stories from the book showcases how clueless men can be in bed. It's about a guy who would just hump this girl's leg every time they hooked up. We're still not sure if he thought her vagina was on her leg or if her leg had a lot of nerve endings or what...needless to say, she wasn't interested in hooking up with him again. Guys, you should have a basic grasp of the female anatomy by the time you get to college.
DON'T: Follow through with every horn dog impulse.
There is a time and a place to try to get a girl into bed, and it is not when the girl you've been hooking up with is in the hospital with her neck in a traction device and both of her legs broken. But, because men can be pretty ridiculous, we received a story from a woman whose friend was in a pretty bad car accident and ended up spending a weekend in the hospital. The guy she was sorta seeing at the time went to visit her. Instead of just hanging out, keeping her company, or wishing her a speedy recovery, he just tried to hump her. (There's a good amount of humping in the book, as you can see.)
DO: Have a girlfriend only when you actually want one.
Specific red flags aside, many guys appear to want to have their cakes and eat them too: They want to have the comfort of a girlfriend (and the consistency of habitual sex), but they aren't exactly willing to be actual boyfriends to the women in question. Some guys are upfront about the fact that they aren't looking for anything serious, but then they take women on "dates" and text them late at night saying things like "I miss you." These mixed messages can be very confusing to our tender little lady hearts. So, guys should know that pretty much all women have expectations--even if we're trying to be all cool and pretend that we don't.
"The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags" by Natasha Burton, Julie Fishman and Meagan McCrary is out now. You can visit the blog by clicking here.