This is what a typical day looks like if you're in the cast of "Jersey Shore": You roll out of bed around noon, put on a pair of Ed Hardy sweatpants and head to work at a t-shirt shop. After an afternoon of sneaking away from work to eat pickles or sleeping in the dressing room, you hit the gym, hook up a tan and do some laundry. Then it's time to return home, spend six hours getting ready and hop in a cab. That's when the real action begins--drinking, dancing and triple-kissing grenades. Finally, you go home. If it's a good night, you smush. If not, you try to cook a half dozen frozen hamburgers on the grill.
Sounds simple enough, right? Seems like something you could do, right? We're sorry to say that it's not. You wouldn't last a day in the Shore house. Here are 33 reasons why:
1. You suffer from anatidaephobia.
2. Your six-pack consists of PBR.
3. Your nickname is J-MEH.
4. Your nickname is The Lactation.
5. You think Karma is a metaphysical principle.
6. You're not the sweetest bitch anyone will ever meet.
7. Before you go out you yell, "Hawaiian shirt time."
8. When you go out you yell, "My mom's van is heeeeere!"
9. You have the Kia logo tattooed in gothic script.
10. You're snookin' for a meaningful relationship.
11. You can never remember in what order to GTL.
12. You can't scoop gelato because you hurt your elbow in a freak soft-serve accident.
13. JWOWW's line of mesh shirts is a direct competitor to your line of mesh shorts.
14. "Blast in a glass" is what you call diarrhea.
15. "Staten Island dump" is what you call a healthy poo.
16. Your favorite three-way is when you and your parents play Risk.
17. You think Ed Hardy wrote Tess of the D'urbervilles.
18. Your grandfather was killed by a grenade.
19. You'll have a job in 10 years.
20. Your "smush room" is on the second floor of Ikea.
21. Your favorite gym is Lucille Roberts.
22. You own a washing machine.
23. You're involved in a class action lawsuit against Xenadrine.
24. You don't really mind fake people.
25. You consider dropping nacho cheese into the hot tub a bad thing.
26. Your pecs looks less like Pauly's and more like Jenni's.
27. You think DTF is an airport in Texas.
28. You couldn't film in Italy because you were banned after your last "bunga, bunga" party.
29. You're allergic to sequins.
30. Your uncle Nino is a professor of epidemiology.
31. When you go to the club, it's an AOL chat room.
32. You bought a gym membership just for the protein shakes.
33. You're Italian.