In the new movie "Bad Teacher," Jason Segel's character argues with a student about whether LeBron James is better than Michael Jordan. Segel says James couldn't be better than Air Jordan because No. 23 has six rings. "It's the only argument I need," he shouts.
The timing of the movie couldn't be better. After last night's debacle, LeBron James is now 0-2 in the NBA Finals. Vanessa Bryant has more rings than LeBron. Last time James lost, it was because he didn't have a good enough supporting cast in Cleveland. So he took his talents to South Beach and joined the NBA's version of the NWO. But after losing to the Dallas Mavericks in six games, what's his excuse for failing...again? We saved him some time and came up with six he can use free of charge (some of which come from his own Twitter feed).
1. Blame God
Hey, if God says it isn't time, what the hell is a King to do? We're pretty sure God told him to take his talents to South Beach, too.
2. Rashard Lewis slept with his girlfriend
You remember the rumor that Delonte West was giving Mama James the business, which affected James' play in the 2010's Eastern Conference finals? Well, rumors surfaced that another pro ballplayer, Rashard Lewis, was sleeping with the King's queen. Great time for a great excuse.
3. LeBron missed his sixth toe
When word got out that he may have six toes on one foot, James had to do something about it. Seriously, who wants to be known as the guy with too many toes? Not LeBron! So he chopped that extra piggy off, and it affected his balance for the rest of the series.
4. He forgot whether it was "Now" or "Never"
The Game 6 loss to the Mavericks could have been because James totally forgot that this was actually the "Now or Never" game he tweeted about before game 5. Somebody better tell him that it's never.
5. "The ball doesn't go in every time."
This was LeBron's explanation at the post-game press conference when asked why he hasn't shot well in the fourth quarter. But, some simple logic here, the ball definitely doesn't go in when you don't shoot the damn thing!
6. Scottie Pippen's Jordan comparison was too much pressure
That damn Scottie! If he never said that LeBron could be the greatest player in the history of the league, maybe James could have focused on winning without the ghost of Michael Jordan hounding him every night.