Everyone on Twitter considers themselves an expert of one type or another. We figured a woman who grew up with the nickname @BoobsRadley must have plenty of experience discussing issues of love and sex. (Plus, the Huffington Post called her one of the funniest women on Twitter.) Read on to find out how to send your questions to her.
Q: Okay, so I'm now officially in my 30s. I really do want to get married and have kids some day, but I still find the idea of settling down terrifying. Women my age are Not Messing Around about commitment, and I still equate getting married with eventual death. Is this normal?
Let me tell you what terrifying is. When I woke up today, the plant next to my bed was all stretched toward the window in the corner. Even if it's very slowly, plants can move. So it follows, then, that they will eventually be able to kill us in our sleep for putting them in poorly lit corners for aesthetic purposes. Anyhow, I realize that my fear of murder by phototropism is irrational, and you recognize that you want to get married someday but that you're not ready for whatever reason. But the thing is that we recognize these are issues (mental health professionals call this "psychological mindedness"). Just know where you stand, commitment-ready-wise, and keep the women you date informed. Some people want to get married at 16, and some people still want to tomcat at 86 (G-R-O-S-S on both counts, right?), so find somebody who's on your timetable and don't lead on women who aren't. It my take a while, but if you get bored, you can come by and kill my plant.
Q: I have a reality TV fan on my hands. Could you date somebody whose cultural tastes you don't necessarily respect?
Date, sure. Be with forever? Probably not. Like, I have some opinions about the movie "Inception" that some people "don't necessarily respect." I wouldn't want anybody to have to be in a long-term relationship with me if we're going to have the same long, overwrought, loud, overrated, long fight that makes no sense at all every couple of weeks. But casual dating and hooking up is fine. If I loved "Inception" a lot, I'd have sex with me, and then go home and donate money to a charismatic cult leader or hold up a bank, or whatever people who have been brainwashed do.
Q: My all-male firm hired a female web designer, and she does great work. However, she is also very cute. Is it offensive if I ask her out?
Oh! A work crush. Even if you've never had one, you've obsessively watched "Bones" and you know how goddamn entertaining they can be. (Although, admittedly, being a cop in the Bones unit, or whatever it is, is probably pretty exciting.) Nothing gets you through a PowerPoint like constructing an elaborate masturbatory fantasy involving the person across from you and a catering tray of turkey wraps. But I generally advise my friends not to date at work because nothing sucks worse than sitting across from somebody you just broke up with, imagining the sweaty turkey wrap sex they're now having with somebody else. I think if two people are into each other and see each other every day, things will probably progress or not progress naturally, à la "Bones." I wouldn't "ask her out" per se, but I would start with friendship and see if it's meant to be more. You'll feel it, in your Bones.
Q: I'm not addicted to porn or anything, I swear, and I like having sex with a partner, but I really prefer finishing myself off. For some reason this really freaks women out. When am I supposed to let them know that this is what I like doing? Before sex? During? After?
Hey man, not everybody likes to do each other the same way. It's cool! It's what makes us individuals, or James Spader. The only problem is that unless we've met through some kind of specialized sex listserv, we don't disclose our kinks until we are in a kinky setting, and they're staring at us like we're lunatics and saying something vanilla like, "No way, that lamp is an antique." The rumors you've heard are true: Lots of women are freaky and open-minded and would be fine with you wanking on them. But some of them won't be. Sometimes the midway-through-sex game changer is hot, and sometimes it's just weird and out of place, like that scene in "Escape from L.A." where they're going to kill Snake with a firing squad if he doesn't make a free throw. I think if you're just hooking up with a girl, you can go for it, because at worst she's "freaked out" and you're a funny mass text to her friends. But if you're looking for long-term stuff, I would wait until you've established that a girl likes you, because there's not a whole lot we won't meet halfway on for the right pervert.
Do you have a relationship question for Boobs Radley? Tweet it @MTVClutch or @BoobsRadley or send her an email.