Zooey Deschanel, the star of FOX's new sitcom "New Girl," is incredibly attractive. She's definitely out of your league, but that shouldn't stop you from trying. What if you two happen to end up at some airport bar, or trapped in an elevator with Zooey? You'll want to make sure you've got a few topics ready to discuss. (That's assuming you're able to hold a conversation and security doesn't escort you away for staring too hard before you even approach her.) Familiarize yourself with the below five facts, psych yourself up (or out) with our adorable photo gallery of her and if you happen to meet, and you actually get past the point of a "h-h-h-hello," you'll be ready to start an awkward conversation with Zooey Deschanel.
1. Named After J.D. Salinger Character
If you really want to make an awkward impression, just carry around a copy of Salinger's "Franny and Zooey." Just "happen to be reading it" when you spot Ms. Deschanel, look at her, look at the book -- point to her, then point to the book. Smile. Approach.
2. Loves Death Cab For Cutie So Much, She Married It
Be aware of this going in: she's married to Death Cab For Cutie frontman, Ben Gibbard. You'll never compete with his musical abilities, or his income, but he's clearly a sensitive weirdo. Going the opposite route would probably help you here. As the conversation between you two continues, lose focus every so often and stare at anything showing a sporting event. Also, ask her if the weight she's gained is because of an upcoming role, or just laziness. You may be able to score points by being the complete opposite of Ben Gibbard.
3. Attended Northwestern University
But don't start your conversation with "Go Wildcats!" Because she dropped out after seven months to pursue acting. Maybe you can talk about how the whole college system is bullsh**, and is designed to stifle the creative freedom of today's youth. Cite examples from your personal life. Or just make some crap up.
4. Grew Up A Gypsy, Of Sorts
Her father is a professional Hollywood cinematographer (Caleb Deschanel) and much of Zooey's youth was spent traveling to wherever he was shooting on location. If you happen to meet her in that airport bar, just say something like "It is the stillness that will save and transform the world." That's an Eckhart Tolle quote. I'm sure she reads Eckhart Tolle. Reminder: don't use that line if you're taking the opposite of Ben Gibbard approach, just passively insult her again.
5. Huge Fan Of Ella Fitzgerald
As the singer for She & Him, Deschanel is inspired by old jazz singers, especially Ella Fitzgerald. You won't be able to subtly sport a Ella Fitzgerald tour t-shirt, or half-inch button on your lapel, so just blare the album "Ella in Berlin" on your iPod. Or better yet, make one of her songs your ringtone and fake a phone call while you're in earshot of Zooey.