The child of Jay-Z and Beyoncé, gender to be determined, will be born with a platinum spoon in its mouth and gold records above its crib. He or she will have incredible resources, access to the most insane baby parties on the planet and have its diapers changed by Beyoncé herself, which is pretty cool. Baby Jay-Oncé's first studio album? Baby Got Maybach. You heard it here first. No infant with a room adjacent to a studio is going to be satisfied with a "Wheels on the Bus" remix.
Just how amazing will this child have it? We'll find out in a few months. In the meantime, here are our Photoshopped visions of this baby's near future.
Pulls up to nursery school with custom rims.
Million-Dollar Mobile
Views "Yo Gabba Gabba!" in personal home theater.
Forget Space Mountain. Try space...with personalized cans.
Illustrations by Chris Marano