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Kyrie Irving Punks Pick-Up Game As 'Uncle Drew'

Posted 2 hours ago by in Funny, Sports, Video


MTV Clutch learned NBA Rookie of the Year Kyrie Irving has a good sense of humor when The Check-In caught up with him during this year's All-Star Weekend. However, we had no idea that the 20-year-old Cleveland Cavaliers star has an Eddie Murphy-like ability to shape-shift into an old-man character.

Irving teamed up with Pepsi Max to prank a pick-up basketball game in Bloomfield, NJ. Before arriving, Irving sits through hours of movie make-up magic to become "Uncle Drew" -- a white-haired old man who won't stop running his mouth from the sidelines. When there's an injury on the court and the game needs another player to resume, Drew's "nephew" suggests his uncle should play. At first, the other players think it's a joke as Irving plays up the feeble old man routine. Before long though, the star point guard begins busting out the moves that made him the first overall pick in the NBA Draft.

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Join Us As We Make Fun Of The Facebook Campus

Posted 5/18/12 5:00 pm EST by in Funny, News, Photos


All Original Photos credit  Alison Yin for the Wall Street Journal

Facebook's $16 billion IPO today has made Mark Zuckerberg the 29th richest person in the world, according to Yahoo!. By the way, he's 28. The financial world is having a collective orgasm/heart attack (probably like that 67-year-old who died while getting a lapdance) as all the numbers pour in from today's mega-deal. But you'd never know that by looking at the serene Facebook campus. That's thanks to the Wall Street Journal, who gave everyone a look behind the walls of the Facebook compound. And now we're going to make fun of it! Because it's the only way we know how to cope with the fact that all these young nerds in one day pocketed buttloads more money than we'll ever see in a lifetime. Read More...

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Preakness Stakes: S*** Show Of The Triple Crown

Posted 5/18/12 4:00 pm EST by in Big Hits, Funny, Photos, Sports



The Washington Post via Getty Images

I am not a high stakes gambler, horse racing expert or fine living aficionado. However, I've been to my share of horse races, including all three Triple Crown events. The Preakness Stakes is without a doubt the biggest s*** show I've  seen in horse racing. In fact, of all the sporting events that I ever been to, it may be the biggest s*** show I've seen--not counting a midget wrestling event in Phoenix circa 2000.

I do not mean to disparage the actual horse race, which is as high caliber as any major event. What I'm referring to is everything else surrounding the race. It resembles something in between Woodstock '99 and "The Wire" with horses. While the last leg of the Triple Crown, The Belmont Stakes, isn't nearly as classy as The Kentucky Derby, the promoters and fans still keep up appearances. They attempt to pay tribute to the days when Thoroughbred racing was the preferred sport of royalty and celebrities. The Preakness Stakes has abandoned any history and now only targets drunks and degenerate gamblers. Neither of which I'm above (my girlfriend says I'm both), but if I wanted to hang with drunks and degenerate gamblers I'd go to Mardis Gras or Atlantic City, not a Triple Crown horse race.
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'Man Town' Candles And Other Products Obnoxiously Marketed To Men

Posted 5/18/12 2:00 pm EST by in Funny, News



Photo: Yankee Candles

Yankee Candle recently became the latest company to take a feminine product and try to dress it up as some kind of head-smashing symbol of brawn and masculinity. Just look at the names of this line of candles for men: "Riding Mower," "2x4," "First Down," and worst of all, "Man Town." What the hell does Man Town smell like?! Dirty laundry and ball sweat? Not only is the attempt to pander to men obnoxious, it's ill-advised. But Yankee explains that the fragrance will help men "Escape to the man cave with this masculine blend of spices, woods and musk." It sounds like a "SNL" spoof commercial.

This trend of man-ifying products is ridiculous. Yankee believes that enough men are adverse to buying their diverse, existing line of scented candles that it can turn a profit by churning out bulls*** "Man Town" scents. The company is definitely not alone, though. Check out more contrived attempts to market a perfectly unisex product to men.

Dodge Grand Caravan, the "Man Van"


Photo: Dodge

Dodge's so-called man van actually shuts down when a soccer mom gets behind the wheel. It's specially formulated to protect a man's fragile ego.

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The 11 Stock Gestures Of NBA Head Coaches

Posted 5/18/12 10:00 am EST by in Big Hits, Funny, Photos, Sports


Getty Images

The way we see it, there are three things needed to land a job as an NBA coach. First, one must own many ill-fitting suits. Second, one must be willing to babysit grown-ass men. And C, one must be very expressive with his body language. The first two of those explain themselves but the third, well, we're gonna need some photos to make that one clear. And wouldn't you know it, that's just what we have.

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10 Signs 'Battleship' Will Be Effing SICK!

Posted 5/17/12 4:30 pm EST by in Funny, Movies


 

Credit: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Some movies just scratch all the itches. And ya know what, bros, "Battleship" has all the potential to be one of the most epic backscratchers to ever come out of Tinseltown. Explosions? Check. Aquatic robo-aliens? Shyah. That badass CIA jabroni from "Taken"? Damn right. Mad "Top Gun" naval vibes? Sho'nuff.

"B-ship" comes out on Friiiiday Highday Punch-You-In-The-Eye-Day, and I cannot even WAIT. This movie, you guys, it has it all! I'm not talkin' about that black-and-white "Casablanca" milquetoast s***. More like Marlon BrandNO. Nah dude, certain pieces of cinema just have that "zhay no say kwah," that just TELLS you it is gonna be an ass-kicking, full-throttle, jacked-up adrenaline rush to your eyeholes. "Fast & Furious" had it. "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" had it. And I'm telling you, "Battleship" has it. I have a pretty heady theory about what it takes to make a movie really resonate and get you right in the nutsack. Any movie that has a number of these ten keys (as "B-ship" does) is on its way to being a f***ing SICK cinematic gem. Read More...

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Watch Badass NYC Boxer Berate Wall Street Nerds

Posted 5/17/12 3:30 pm EST by in Funny, Sports, Today's Badass


Real talk: you will not see a funnier, more satisfying video today than this one we've found care of Business Insider via Animal NY. It's a hilarious, wonderful nugget of schadenfreude featuring Eric Kelly of Church Street Boxing Gym in New York City. His day job consists of insulting Wall Street suits who work out at his gym. (We're guessing they're brushing up on their boxing due to the rising Occupy Wall Street insurrection.)

As satisfying as it is to watch these clumsy sacks of numbers flail around on the heavy bag, the real draw of this video is Kelly's string of insults. They run the gamut: "Where'd you get that old-ass Top Gun haircut from?" "I bet someone gave you a wedgie on your way here." "Dumb motherf***er!" Best of all, he's saying it to their faces. And this is after they've paid him! Small price to pay after ruining the economy.

The video is so profane we can't embed it here, so you should most definitely CLICK THIS LINK AND GO WATCH IT, you dumb motherf***er!

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How To Escape Awkward Situations [GIFs]

Posted 5/17/12 2:30 pm EST by in Comedy, Funny, GIFs


If you're anything like us, you regularly find yourself in awkward situations. Your face starts burning, you swallow hard, your pulse races, your mouth begins spewing verbal diarrhea and before you know it, you've made the moment even more uncomfortable. Lucky for you, the MTV Clutch staff has years of combined experience in digging ourselves into embarassing holes and have learned a thing or two about avoiding it. While awkward moments are destined to occur, you can always come through squeaky clean as long as you keep your head. Below are three fool-proof escape plans for getting yourself out of these strange moments. To make things even easier for you, we've designed easy-t0-follow animated GIFs for study aids. Execute wisely and be safe out there.

Situation #1:

You and your best friend are watching the game. You both stretch at the same time and begin to rest your arms on the back of the couch to get comfortable. Before you know it, your arms are around each other.

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RG Eats It: Reviews Of Girl Scout Cookies

Posted 5/16/12 4:00 pm EST by in Funny


Girl Scouts. Next to Scientology, they are America's greatest cult. I'm on to you, Girl Scouts. You skip around town with those green dresses planting flowers or whatever. As soon as I start figuring you out, you brainwash me with delicious cookies. Very clever. Very clever, indeed. And yes, I am a sucker for those cookies. My dealer--ahem, niece--is 10 years old and she’s been slingin' the goods at me for three years now. I'm hooked man, HOOKED! It's only fitting I break down these sugar bombs of mental destruction.
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Smartphones Make You Ugly, Sugar Makes You Dumb And Taxes Fund Your Erections

Posted 5/16/12 1:00 pm EST by in Funny, News


Today we stumbled upon a trio of troubling news items that are basically just one giant advertisement for smh and make us consider living out the rest of our years in a bungalow off the coast of Thailand.

Smartphones Turn You Ugly

Researchers say that because we hunch over and grimace at glowing blue screens for so long each day, our facial muscles are crapping out. The result is "smartphone face" which consists of "saggy jowls, double chins and marionette lines." So basically, your iPhone is turning you into a fat Jeff Dunham puppet. Sweet.

Sugar Dumbs You Down

Fine, so your "Words With Friends" addiction cost you your looks. But at least you can still kick ass with that Q tile in between lonely ice cream binges. Oh what's that, you now suck at "WwF"? That must be because sugar is making us dumber. Scientists at UCLA found that too much fructose makes it harder to process thoughts, emotions and memories. So you'll be ugly and lonely, but at least you won't even know it.

Stimulus Money Funded Stimulus Research

You can always turn to masturbation. No matter how ugly, stupid or fat you get, that will be there for you. Even if your brain and muscles fail, because, according to NBC, stimulus money funded studies on erectile dysfunction in overweight middle-aged men. Which is good, because there's gonna be a lot of us pretty soon.

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