Clutch Blog › Today’s Badass

Watch Badass NYC Boxer Berate Wall Street Nerds

Posted 5/17/12 3:30 pm EST by in Funny, Sports, Today's Badass


Real talk: you will not see a funnier, more satisfying video today than this one we've found care of Business Insider via Animal NY. It's a hilarious, wonderful nugget of schadenfreude featuring Eric Kelly of Church Street Boxing Gym in New York City. His day job consists of insulting Wall Street suits who work out at his gym. (We're guessing they're brushing up on their boxing due to the rising Occupy Wall Street insurrection.)

As satisfying as it is to watch these clumsy sacks of numbers flail around on the heavy bag, the real draw of this video is Kelly's string of insults. They run the gamut: "Where'd you get that old-ass Top Gun haircut from?" "I bet someone gave you a wedgie on your way here." "Dumb motherf***er!" Best of all, he's saying it to their faces. And this is after they've paid him! Small price to pay after ruining the economy.

The video is so profane we can't embed it here, so you should most definitely CLICK THIS LINK AND GO WATCH IT, you dumb motherf***er!

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , , , , , , ,

Today's Badass: 12-Year-Old Lands Skateboarding's First 1080

Posted 4/3/12 10:30 am EST by in News, Sports, Today's Badass


Credit: RedBullUSA

Not Shaun White, not Tony Hawk. Last week skating phenom Tom Schaar  became the first skateboarder to land a clean 1080. And he's 12. I guess this means in about five years we'll all be playing "Tom Schaar's Pro Shredder" on Playstation 4.

Dude's balls haven't even dropped--yet he's dropping in on the mega pipe and making skateboarding history. To give you some perspective: Schaar wasn't even a functioning cognitive being when Tony Hawk became the first to land a 900 back in '99. It took Hawk 11 tries to land the 2.5 revolutions; wunderkind Schaar needed just five attempts to land his three revolutions.

Is it just us, or DAMMIT are athletes getting better and better even younger? Who says kids these days are locked in their basements under the glow of tablets and game consoles? Pretty soon there will be no-shave pro leagues, and they will be the premiere ones. Scary. Anyway, bow down to our new skateboarding overlord, and check out the amazing video, via GrindTV.

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , , , ,

Today's Badass: Man Fights Burglar With Sword And Beer Bottle

Posted 3/27/12 1:56 pm EST by in Funny, News, Today's Badass


Credit: 20th Century Fox

This bizarre story comes out of Florida, which isn't surprising since 88 percent of stories involving sword attacks occur in Florida. Anthony Brisbane was working the graveyard shift at Captain Steamers when a masked robber wielding a tire iron came into the kitchen. Naturally, Brisbane grabbed a sword and they began sparring. You're probably thinking, "This isn't Grand Theft Auto where you can just summon random melee weapons whenever you want. Why does a Florida restaurant called Captain Steamers have a sword, and why was it so accessible?" But then, is it really that shocking?

Brisbane called the cops after he thought he had subdued the attacker, and when his guard was down the burglar hit him three times in the head with a tire iron. So Brisbane grabbed a nearby beer bottle (makes more sense) and cracked him over the head with it. Score one for the good guys.

We're always amazed by the "guy fends off burglar" stories, mainly because we are trembling cowards who would gladly provide the robber with those old-timey money sacks and even offer to help carry them to the getaway car. So bravo, Anthony Brisbane. You are Today's Badass.

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , , , ,

Today's Badass: Man Saws Off Own Foot To Avoid Work

Posted 3/26/12 3:00 pm EST by in News, Today's Badass


Credit: Topical Press Agency/Hulton Archive

You may say you "hate" your job. But hate is a strong word. You probably don't enjoy your job, but you grudgingly tolerate it. That is not hate.

Ladies and gentlemen (mostly gentlemen), let me introduce you to hating your job, via Reuters: A 56-year-old Austrian man was scheduled to meet with the labor office to determine whether he was fit for employment. So, hours before the meeting, the guy decided to saw off his own foot, thus ensuring that he wasn't fit for the rat race. And to think, he was so close to retirement age!

Just to make sure he wouldn't end up with a reattached foot and thus the ability to return to the working world, he tossed the foot into the oven, so that when the EMT's got to the scene it was too charred to be salvaged. Sadly, unless Austria has some sort of discriminatory law against hiring people with one foot, this is a short-term solution at best.

But that's not what matters. What matters is that this is the most grizzled man ever. It's like "127 Hours," only he was trapped for 490,560 hours under the boulder of LIFE. What the hell gnarly-ass job did this man have that made him think chopping off a body part was a better alternative? Was he a mass grave excavator? A puppy skinner? Khloe Kardashian's bikini waxer?

Many would have filed this under Today's Dumbass, but we have to applaud this man for his dedication to living the dream of a life without work. Sometimes you have to destroy (and roast in the oven) to build.

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , , ,

Today's Badass: Parents Prank Sleeping Child [VIDEO]

Posted 3/21/12 11:37 am EST by in Funny, Today's Badass, Video


To us non-parents, most of parenthood seems like a mundane slog through a diaper-wiping, fruit punch-stained version of hell. As a parent, your main task is to keep your drooling kid from turning his brain into jelly by conking his head on every hard surface in the house.

That's why when we see parents such as Today's Badasses, it gives us hope. Parenthood doesn't have to be all baby wipes and tears. Your kid trusts you unconditionally, which makes him a perfect target for an awesome prank! The parents in the below video punk the s*** out of their kid during his impromptu stroller nap at some theme park. Some child advocates may argue otherwise, but we think they're the most badass parents around. I mean, just look at that kid. It's obvious that he had it coming. Enjoy the video below, care of The Big Lead.

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , ,

Today's Badass: One-Armed Pole Dancing Champion

Posted 3/20/12 10:30 am EST by in Ladies, News, Today's Badass


Credit: Telegraph.co.uk

From the Huff Post comes this heartwarming story of one-armed Deborah Roach of Australia, who took home gold at the International Pole Championship in Hong Kong. First of all, how did Vegas drop the ball on hosting this event? This is like holding a Dungeons and Dragons convention in the "Jersey Shore" house, it's JUST NOT RIGHT.

Anyway, Roach is sending a wonderful message to the young women of the world: that no matter what ails you, no matter your shortcomings, you shall overcome. You can step up onto life's metaphorical stage and twirl around that proverbial pole provocatively. For money.

"Gloria Steinem we've made it!" feminists are surely shouting. Because, you see, "the championships focus on 'pole art,' which emphasizes the fitness and creativity components of pole routines." So now when you go to the strip club, you can just tell your gal you were taking in an interactive art show.

Watch Roach in action below, via The Telegraph. We have to say, her routine's a little clunky, but hey, we're not much into art so what do we know?

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , , , ,

Today's Badass: Kitten Goes HAM On Puppy [VIDEO]

Posted 3/19/12 12:30 pm EST by in Funny, Today's Badass, Video


It's a rivalry as old as time itself, and everyone on Earth falls on one side of this eternal struggle: There are cat people, and there are dog people. Well, dog people, you've been dealt a crushing blow today, based on this video that came to us from Buzzfeed.

A Chihuahua and a kitten, supposedly the same age, duked it out to once and for all decide which species reigns supreme. With the fate of the entire animal kingdom in the balance, the two adorable spazoid Tasmanian devils grapple and swipe paws like warriors in a giggle-filled Thunderdome.

It's nonstop action (save for a quick break in which the contenders smell each others' b-holes), as the cuddly wuddly little scamps fight for the pride of their fellow species. So check out the epic war between canine and feline below, where two fuzzy internet-baiting pets enter and fuzzy one internet-baiting pet leaves.

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , , , ,

Today's Badass: Insane Mountain Biker [VIDEO]

Posted 3/16/12 10:15 am EST by in Sports, Today's Badass, Video


Now that the weather's nice, you promised yourself you'd really take advantage of it. You're envisioning some hiking, some camping and oh DEFINITELY gonna hit the trails for some mountain biking. So you and your bros thrown on cargo shorts and grab your Huffy 8-speeds or whatever the hell hunks of scrap metal you rented. And BOOM, you're ready for a hard-core workout adventure consisting of coasting leisurely through a moderately wooded area where you only sometimes hear car horns in the distance. Look out for those pesky tree roots!

Yeah, well this video from Buzzfeed via Reddit shows you what real (read: literal) mountain biking is. Where the wrong jerk of your wrist is the difference between an animalistic adrenaline rush that proceeds to fuel a wild 12-day sex binge...and a Darwin Award death. It's everything a Mountain Dew commercial wishes it could be.

While the man careening down the mountainside in this clip remained stoically silent (like any badass is wont to do, he let the badassery speak for itself), we watched and filled the room with whisper-screams of "Oh my GAHH, watch that rock!" Check out the video below, if you can handle being exposed as the sentient heap of wussitude that you truly are.

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , ,

Today's Badass: Chubbs The Star Wars Pug [VIDEO]

Posted 3/15/12 11:00 am EST by in Funny, Movies, Today's Badass, Video


Sometimes an animal-centric web video meets nerd porn and new viral heights are reached. This is one of those times. The A.V. Club pointed us to this remake of the wampa scene from "Empire Strikes Back," which marries the film's original audio with action figures, and starring Chubbs the pug in the crucial role of the wampa/wampug.

Yes, the ferocious Jedi trappin' beast that roamed the ice planet Hoth and terrified us as children has been reduced to the most cuddly dog with fake horns and breathing problems. Despite having some of the most memorable creatures in pop culture history, I think we can all agree that the "Star Wars" canon suffers from a lack of pugs.

So before you jock out on March Madness for the rest of the week, appeal to the dark dork side for a minute. And be sure to stick around for the end, where Chubbs totally riffs like an actor at the top of his craft to deliver a shocking twist ending.

+ Follow MTV Clutch on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook

Tags , ,

Today's Badass: Girl Scouts Fight For Right To Sell Cookies

Posted 3/14/12 8:00 am EST by in Funny, News, Today's Badass


Credit: Getty Images

Caitlin and Abigail Mills have made a killing selling Girl Scout Cookies from their driveway in Hazlewood, Missouri, for each of the last six years. But this year Hazlewood officials lived out their Eliot Ness fantasies and shut down their cookie stand for "violating city ordinances."

What's next? FDA approval for the beverages you're selling at your lemonade stand? A trade commission sign-off on your magazine subscription fundraiser? Before your field trip to Colonial Williamsburg you need to get the permission slip notarized?  This is an egregious abuse of power that would make George Orwell shiver!

Before their little operation was crushed by the iron fist of an unfeeling government, the Mills sisters sold roughly 1,700 boxes this cookie season (the best season). Hmm, sounds to me like a member of the rival troop has a parent in the Hazleton city council. Collusion!

Luckily, we have these two Brownie badasses fighting the good fight. The Huffington Post says a judge will hear arguments on the Scouts' constitutional rights to sell the cookies. Caitlin and Abigail, you are putting up exactly the kind of impassioned fight for liberty that Patrick Henry envisioned when he said "give me Tagalongs or give me death."
Read More...

Tags , , ,

1234567
SPONSORS
AD:
©2012 Viacom International Inc. All Rights Reserved. MTV and all related titles and logos are trademarks of Viacom International Inc.